


chase

by akiult



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, killua being a Bad Brother, sibling dynamics, someone please give kalluto a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24710713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akiult/pseuds/akiult
Summary: “Killua, do you hate me?”Kalluto’s hands fly to his mouth but he realizes it’s far, far too late. His eyes widen and cast down to the ground before quickly snapping back up, fearing the scrutiny of his brother’s gaze.Of course he doesn’t hate me, we’re-“Yeah.”-family.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Kalluto Zoldyck, Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Kalluto Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 18
Kudos: 130





	chase

_Well, this is a bit anticlimactic,_ Kalluto muses to himself.

Face to face with the culmination of his desperate search for the past 3 years, Kalluto gapes in shock that he had managed to tail his fickle white haired brother.

The bustling noise of the merchant market roars loudly in his ears, and though the situation and setting is nothing like the dramatic reunion with his brother that Kalluto had secretly hoped for, seeing his brother after fruitless years of pursuit leaves him gawking.

Kalluto blinks once, twice, and the words he’d practiced to himself in favor of this exact moment slip away from him, leaving his mind blank and the paper fan in his hand trembling in his hands.

He clenches his eyes shut, pleading his hands to stop shaking, and miraculously they do, because Kalluto knows better than anyone that Zoldycks do not tremble, Zoldycks do not gape and they certainly do not stand and gawk. His family’s teaching never leaves him. It’s been drilled and engrained too deep into his mind, and he wonders how his rebellious brother has managed to rid of it.

Much to Kalluto's disfortune, however, Killua's keen eyes are too sharp for his own good, and the younger winces at the scoff that escapes his older brother. 

_What do you want, Kalluto?_

The unsaid words ring in the air, and Kalluto hears it, loud and clear, even if the two of them don't exchange any audible greeting. He's jolted back into the hazy childhood days at the Zoldyck Estate, the softness of Killua's shirt he tugged on, willing his brother's attention on him for even a split second. Kalluto remembers the annoyed twitch of his brother's lips, but the white haired Zoldyck indulged him anyway, dragging him along to play whatever fucked up version of tag Illumi made them play. 

Killua's annoyance rolled off him in waves, his eyes looking down on him with a dismissive stare, looking like he'd rather do anything but go along with whatever conversation Kalluto wanted to have with him. Kalluto doesn’t really know what else he was expecting, as ages had passed since their days of running around in Kukuroo mountain.

Kalluto suddenly feels very, very small. He hasn’t felt this way in a while, though inferiority was a feeling he was well acquainted with, like an old friend who crept into his thoughts just when he thinks he’s rid of them. Years of being with the troupe to escape the smothering feeling of weakness vanish almost completely at a sigh and pointed look from the older Zoldyck. Kalluto wishes the infuriating yet suffocating feeling of insecurity and helplessness would go away. 

Zoldycks were never insecure or helpless.

When Kalluto opens his mouth to speak, the words spill out before he can stop them. He later despises himself and spends months, years mulling over and cursing his selfishness and even worse, the most disgusting part of himself he's always forced to acknowledge.

_Insecurity._

The question isn’t, “Killua, why haven’t come back yet?” or “Killua, why did you leave?” or the thousands of other questions that bubble up in his mind when he thinks about his runaway brother. It’s,

“Killua, do you hate me?”

Kalluto’s hands fly to his mouth but he already knows it’s far too late. His eyes widen and cast down to the ground before quickly snapping back up, fearing the scrutiny of his brother’s gaze.

_Of course he doesn’t hate me, we’re-_

“Yeah.” 

_-family._

Killua’s response comes so nonchalantly, as if it were glaringly obvious. But Kalluto’s mind runs a billion miles per second, because Killua had thrown off Kalluto’s thoughts with one, crude affirmation.

“Oh.” Kalluto responds dumbly. His old friend named incompetence creeps and grasps his shoulder again, and Kalluto feels very much like a nuisance. 

He expects himself to feel angry, because _what kind of brother hates his sibling?_ But all Kalluto feels is a frigid coldness that soaks deep into his bones.

Kalluto believed he was no idiot, after all, despite his mother’s constant lectures about how the Zoldycks should love each other, he was aware that Killua would never love him as much as Alluka or his friend - _what was his name again? Gon?_ \- but a childish part of him wanted to believe that Killua held even a bit of brotherly affection for him.

Reality washes over him like an ice bucket that drenches Kalluto and his dark kimono, leaving him shuddering and his beloved paper fan a wet mush.

Alluka, at Killua’s side, acknowledges Kalluto with something like an apologetic smile, but it makes him feel worse. Envy wraps its claws around his heart that wrenches at the way Killua and Alluka's hands intertwine effortlessly, and its another stupidly familiar feeling Kalluto doesn't want to be reminded of. _Why her?_ Kalluto find himself asking the an age old question to himself again.

Before Kalluto can say much else, Killua has turned his heel and walked back into the bustling crowd of people as if the exchange were something as mundane as tying his shoes or throwing out the trash. 

Killua always seemed to slip from his grasp, and all Kalluto could do was chase, chase chase.

Alluka says something to Kalluto, something along the lines of an apology for Killua’s words but her voice drains into the white noise that plays in Kalluto’s head. She turns around and walks after Killua soon after though, and Kalluto wonders for a second if she hates him too.

Kalluto realizes his feet don’t move to chase after them. 

He also realizes that he feels very, very empty.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! i don’t know if anyone else thinks about kalluto zoldyck 24/7 like me but i just really love his character and i plan to add more works about his interactions with his other siblings! it’s not my best piece of writing but i was kind of itching to write.. *scratches head* please consider dropping a kudos or a comment!! <33


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